BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Snicker.

I tried to remember my training. My old drill sergeant, G.I. Joe, had put me through worse than this. "Are you gonna MOR yet, maggot?" he would scream, as he tied me to the wheel of a 10-speed Schwinn. (MOR: Melted On Request.) 'Sir, no, sir!" I would scream, even as the gravel scraped the paint off my face. He pushed me and prodded me, but he made me the action figure I am today. Just before Water Survival training, he gave me a piece of advice I'll always remember: "Son, when you get right down to it, you have no nerve endings." Then he flushed me down the toilet.

Toy Soldiers